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a book of ordinary people

Because We have forgotten that we are only ordinary people who are allowed to make mistakes..Normal left us a while back and we didnt even notice!!!

Sunday, November 16, 2014

  He kept pointing at my feet and laughing...
    I asked her what does he mean?
 She said  he is saying that be all the size 10 feet girl that you are, because that is who you are. All your life you have been trying to be a girl with small feet and that is not you, embrace yourself....

    He then started caressing my hair, she said he is saying you are just like your curly hair. You know how when you come out of shower or even before going to shower you plan to do all these things with your hair but eventually you just let it be and go about your business, this is who you are and it is just fine. Your hair is beautiful the way it is.....

    I asked him how  does he know me? and she said you will be surprised how much he knows you and all your family and even your extended family. It is just one of those things, you know how sometimes you enter a room and meet someone and it is as if you have known them all your life, it is one of those things.....

Friday, October 03, 2014

“The essence of life is that it’s challenging. Sometimes it is sweet, and sometimes it is bitter. Sometimes your body tenses, and sometimes it relaxes or opens. Sometimes you have a headache, and sometimes you feel 100 percent healthy. From an awakened perspective, trying to tie up all the loose ends and finally get it together is death, because it involves rejecting a lot of your basic experience. There is something aggressive about that approach to life, trying to flatten out all the rough spots and imperfections into a nice smooth ride.” 
― Pema ChödrönWhen Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice For Difficult Times

تو را چنین بنماید که من به خاک شدم به زیرِ پایِ من این هفت‌آسمان باشد

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

خیلی سال قبل بود دختر عمه ام که دکتر اطفال بود خونه ما بود. خانومی ازآشناهاشون با قیافه نگران آمد دم در خونه ما دنبالش می گشت .هنوز قیافه اش بعد از این همه سال یادم هست: خجالت ونگرانی باهم بود. شاید نگرانی ازاین که بابای چپگرای ما بفهمه برادر این خانوم که بوده وآبروریزی بشه. برادر فراری اش رو همه خاین می دونستند.
سالها بعد فهمیدم که این خانوم خاله یکی ازهم دانشگاهیایم بوده و یکهو قیافه گیج وغمگین ولباس همیشه سیاهش برام معنا پیدا کرد.
هی هی هی رفیق اون همدانشگاهی برادر تو بود و اون قصه کذایی که برای دایی ات ساخته بودند وهیچکس هم نفهمید از کجا اومد ما رو برای همیشه از هم دور نگه داشت.ای برادر زندگی ما هم شد مثل کتاب قصه ها و پیچیده شد مثل یک کلاف.
می دونم خودت می خواستی بری ورفتنی شدی. مگه کسی حریف تو می شد وقتی فکری به سرت میزد؟
ولی هنوز هم دلم میگیره وقتی یادم میاد این دنیا وآدمهاش چه بی رحم وبی احساس بودند با تو  و دایی ات
به قول دایی ات : حاضرتر ازهمیشه ای رفیق....

سر رای برگشتنت آينه ميكارم

Monday, September 15, 2014


سر رای برگشتنت آینه میکارم
گلدونای دلتنگو رو پله میذارم
لحظه های بی قصه رو طاقت ندارم
چشم من به راه عشقه , رفتنت گناه عشقه
اون روی سیاه عشقه ماه من.
ماه من, تو چاه عشقه.
یادمه اون شب که رفتی ,چشمو بستم, شیشه ی عمر جوونیمو شکستم.
تا به تو پیغام دلجویی فرستم
اسمتو با شیشه کندم رو دستم..
درد اومد.. ای درد ای یاد یار داد اومد... ای درد ای یاد یار
درد اومد ,...داد اومد
دلبر شیاد اومد
اما من دلبر نداشتم.
غیر تو دلبر نداشتم.
حال اول , درد عشقه.
ماه من!
کاری با آخر نداشتم!

این جان عاریت که به حافظ سپرد دوست روزی رخش ببینم و تسلیم وی کنم

Saturday, September 06, 2014

 I could not get my eyes off of the cute little ring bearer and his younger brother in my first cousin's wedding...
   They both looked a lot alike, with curly hair and only couple of years in age difference just like him and his older brother and as the universe has it they were both the first cousins of a long lost man who called himself Kaos, the only difference was that the little boys had striking ginger hairs and Kaos and his brother were dark featured man...
  We were born only ten months apart  in the same hospital that our fathers were medical residents at different points of time and god knows how many blocks apart  from each other we grew up . There are so many parallels to  the story of our lives and so many interconnections, that his first cousins being the ring bearer in my first cousins wedding and us becoming finally related somewhere in Southern California is just a minute of part of the whole tale...
    He was a restless soul just like me who loved to write,longed to stand out and set out to the conquer the world. The only difference in our life stories was his unfinished childhood , he had to leave sooner than I did and that early departure left a wound so deep on his soul that he never found the means to heal it and we all know how hard he tried and tried and tried to heal himself.
   I left at the right time, on my own accord. I was old enough  not to let the pains of leaving everything behind and moving on with my life get to me, but he finally could not take it any longer....
    He left us mere mortals behind, so that one fine  summer day at my cousin's wedding I look at his baby cousins and just wish that we all had stayed put and never grew up and left....
   I kept reciting those lines from Rocco and his brothers:
- Sometimes I wish we had never left...
- God knows what would have become of us had we stayed...
-At least we still had each other...
  His younger brother said that he left the world with no desire and his last entry in his diary reads :" If a wheat is to grow from my grave   I want the bread that is made from that wheat make people happy."
  They said his uncle found out that his wife is pregnant with their second son on the morning of February 28th 2011, the same ginger haired little boy in my cousin's wedding, he left the world the morning of February 27th 2011 and he was also the second child... 
 I just wish he had it in him to stay with us a tad longer , maybe the aging made him see the world a better place worth staying or maybe who knows...
   Rest in peace brother, you brought a lot of clarity to my life....
Kaos5....  August 1st 1979....

حاشا که من به موسم گل ترک می کنم
من لاف عقل می‌زنم این کار کی کنم
مطرب کجاست تا همه محصول زهد و علم
در کار چنگ و بربط و آواز نی کنم
از قیل و قال مدرسه حالی دلم گرفت
یک چند نیز خدمت معشوق و می کنم
کی بود در زمانه وفا جام می بیار
تا من حکایت جم و کاووس کی کنم
از نامه سیاه نترسم که روز حشر
با فیض لطف او صد از این نامه طی کنم
کو پیک صبح تا گله‌های شب فراق
با آن خجسته طالع فرخنده پی کنم
این جان عاریت که به حافظ سپرد دوست
روزی رخش ببینم و تسلیم وی کنم

Monday, September 01, 2014

یه روز بهاری قشنگ عموایرج وخانواده سرزده اومدند
 خونمون..دکترابراهیمی هم اونجا بودوشروع کرد به کردی خوندن. یکهویی عمو ایرج با چشمهای اشک آلوده از جا بلند شد و رفت بیرون و بابا هم رفت باهاش. مامان وخاله ناهید به هم نگاه کردند وگفتند : غلام...
غلام همکلاسی کردشون بود  و رفیق جنگ عمو ایرج وشاگرد اول پزشکی وجراحی.اواییل انقلاب کشته شده بود..
رفت وحسرت لذت بردن از موسیقی کردی روبه  دل عموایرج گذاشت...
یک آدمهایی وقتی میرند تا آخرعمرت از خودت می پرسی: دنیای من چه شکلی میشد اگه مونده بود؟
بعد دایم میگی کاشکی مونده بود حیف این همه قشنگی دنیا که نموند و ندید
حیف این همه عشق آدمها برای این آدم که داره هدر میره..
چند سال بعدش هم دکترابراهیمی رفت سرطان بود
همیشه باسوز کردی می خوند مامان می گفت همیشه دلتنگ کردستان بود

In search of the lost times...

Monday, July 14, 2014

   Today for a moment I wished that we were still college kids and would go on a crazy road trip together again...
  One of us would drive throughout the night, and then in the morning we would stop at some random road stop and get crappy breakfast and pretend its a King's feast and then go on with the rest of our trip. We will have crazy adventures and get in trouble, we will get drunk and call our other friends who could not join us. We will stay at crappy and cheap motels and dream about the time that we are done with school and have money and can afford a nice hotel room.  Who knows if get lucky we have a brush with law-enforcement and stories to tell for the rest of our lives...
  I then looked up and realize that now we are 30 something year old professionals, who are too busy to go on a road trip in the summer just because we are bored. And we all have enough money not to share a crappy motel room anymore, plus who wants to go on a road trip when we can all afford trans-Atlantic trips? And on top of it all, its summer the season for weddings, baby showers, backyard BBQ s and all those, so who has time for a spur of a moment road trip to middle of nowhere?
  Above it all, there is not much of us anymore. Some of us have decided to stay and start their own families, some of us have moved on and barely talk to the others anymore and who knows what's going with them or where they are? And then some of us are stuck in limbo somewhere between staying here and moving on with our lives...
   And yeah life goes on and with it we grow and change, and at the end of the day it's all good. At least we are all intact and alive, even if some of us are nowhere to be found...
    And its alright if once in awhile one of us gets nostalgic for our crazy road trips, sometimes in life you just need to digress and live in the past for a moment before coming back to the reality and getting on with life...

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