Wednesday, January 14, 2009
For the first time in two days she looked at herself in the mirror, in a restroom where god knows has what kind of germs in it, she had two minutes only two freaking minutes to herself. Nobody will ever know of the phone call that she received the other day. Sometimes one of the most decent people that you come across your life can call you and shake you to the bones, not that he/she wants to do it intentionally.
Nobody will ever know about the call if he does not need to call again, not that he really wants to call back , nor she really wants to answer his call. Something told her that everything will be alright....
But something inside her has been shaking in the past two days....
Nobody will ever know what she has been feeling for the past two days, because it is part of her jobs. " You owe a smile to the people that you see at work everyday, never forget that." Someone told her awhile back. When you see someone in pain all you do is smile, because that is all that you have to offer them and you can't deny that from anyone....
She looked at herself again, everyday she walks by the people that she knows too much about .. all their histories and stories... but the more she knows about them, the less she knows them...
She wished she could throw up, because she has been feeling nauseated for a while now...
She wished she could just give up and leave....
She only had two minutes, people were waiting for her...
She still has those pills that her father gave her, in case she became insomniac, or too nervous and became paralyzed. Insomnia, whomever thought she will suffer from it? Once her sister confronted her about sleeping 12 hours straight, she joked to her " I live to sleep.."
Yeah that was two years ago, now a good night sleep has become a luxury that her busy mind can barely afford, once a week maybe...
Her father only knew too well what her life was going to be like. The other day she has found yet another white hair...
The other day they held a moment of silence for some patient who would not be around much longer and thought he was fighting a fair battle. None of them had the heart to tell him that at best he would survive another year, and that would be the best case scenario, if he survived longer he would be begging for his death....
And yeah there is a newborn kid somewhere around whose mom might not make it to his college graduation, or maybe she might who knows.. She will smile at the young boy whenever she sees him and his mom ..
Her Life has become all about the random phone calls from hell, the secrets that need to stay safe with her, and the two minutes that she gets to be herself. She has no complaints, nobody has it easier.
In this mad house that made her fancy a vomit once in a while; the mad house with the secrets so burning that most people running it take those little happy pills to sleep on them. In that very place, she had found herself....
Out to the world with a smile on your face, the two minute bathroom break is over...
Labels: rotation diaries
