a book of ordinary people

All i had was a bowl of noodle by myself in a small restaurant in Chelsea , there were not that many people in there... there were even two other guys eating by themselves... one of them looked at me , smiled and went back to reading his book... Funny how you are never truly alone even in your loneliness...
Today is the 4Th day that I am taking the PPIs , its not a big a deal just a simple acid reflux.. nothing new for me or my family.. The pattern is there, the history is there and so is the cure..
All I have to do is to abstain: from Coffee,ice cream, occasional cigarettes, Hookah, and shots of Vodka.
I just don't know why all of a sudden it came back after all these years? It's the stress I suppose..
Something out there is bothering me, or maybe its a host of factors!!!!
Dad has finally sold our house after all these years, and so there goes the last piece of attachment to my city... it seems like we are being wiped out of the memory of the city that we used to belong to. There is nothing to go back to, if i want to go back one day I have to become a tourist and check into a hotel ....

My writing professor emailed me and asked me how I am doing? I just told her I havent been writing lately... I told her i am busy with other stuff, I think I lied and I think she knows it.. I don't write much anymore, cause I don't find enough motivation or reasons to write..
I used to write to get away from the world, I used to write to create my own world, I used to write in search of happiness...
Now I have surrendered to life.. I have sushi with people who I have not much in common and cant even have a decent conversation with, but then that's reassuring. Just to live in the moment, to know that after this meal there wont be anything else... that all you have is some Sushi.....
I used to write to prove something to myself, I used to write in the hope of changing the world..
Now I just sit back and watch people, I go to bars with them and watch them drinking and mingle.. I don't talk much anymore.. I just watch...
But then I lie I still write here and there; in school newsletter's satire column, in my head , on scratch papers and napkins . Its just not a part of my life the way it used to be, now its more of a habbit, like smoking after drinking..

My sister is back after her long sabbatical from normal life, I don't argue with her anymore.. I don't even ask her about the two years that she was away, and still don't know why she came back... I live in my own island and so does she...

My uncle called me to wish me a happy new year, and told me he knows I will make it ... That he has faith in me, and knows that I will never give up...
I told him if anything not giving up has been my vice.. I just don't know how to give up? and sometimes it gets irritating... the other day I made the professor apologize from the whole class, because the problem that he gave our group was wrong. It just didn't make sense to me, I couldn't figure it out..I made him admit to being wrong in front of 80 people, maybe because I want to think at the end I dont get anything wrong!!!

I don't know where i am going from here but I know its not far away....
I just know I can always go to a noodle shop by myself or others and smile at the other lonely customers, because in some strange ways, Deep down we are always lonely, but never alone in our loneliness

Labels: ordinary stories

This entry was posted on Saturday, March 24, 2007 at 10:20 AM. You can skip to the end and leave a response.