Wednesday, November 18, 2009
You know that perfect moments that you have with your friends. When you are walking out of a Crazy Irish Pub towards your car and you say : "If Only I had a cigarette tonight would be perfect." And one of your friends hands you a cigarette and you start smoking while the other friend looks at you with disbelief :" You smoke?" and You reply : " Oh yeah and I teach smoking cessation classes too!!!" And then all of a sudden everyone bursts into laughter. Remember the expressions on everybody's faces....
When people are making love, or simply having sex and are really enjoying it.Remember the expression on their faces? Nobody is laughing, or having a good time. Sometimes it feels like they are suffering, as if they are in pain. And when it is all over, you can even hear the sigh of relief. People don't really laugh after having orgasm. With sex, pleasure is pain and pain is pleasure. Not in a sadistic-masochist sense, just a simple observation.
These days I am down in ICU. So far we have had three people coded on us. One of them tried to drink himself to death after his wife left him for excessive drinking. The other two had multiple complications. One of them kept coming back from dead and we persuaded her family to stop the resuscitation. We let her take her sweet time dying and walked back to our stations.I will never forget the expression on her face, her eyes were closed and it seemed like she did not want to be bothered with Life.
The third was an amputee, nobody exactly knows what happened ( most of the time that is the case). Massive organ failure. I ran down the stairs from the fifth floor down to ICU with the blue box in my hand. I never got to see his face. He was sent to the hospice in the next day or so.
I like it down here in ICU, in a very strange way .ICU is Full of expressionless faces of people who are heavily sedated in order to be mechanically ventilated. Some of them may never get to wake up.
When you look at it from a distance : Joy, death, pain, pleasure, life, sorrow and so many other words are just arbitrary. Why do we Scream while having an orgasm? Aren't you supposed to scream when you are scared and need help or maybe are angry? Why pleasure can be painful but death feels like nothing?
I am not trying to be philosophical here,no on contrary I am learning how to be normal. How to let everything just be.....
Be it death, Orgasm, or Joy....
I have started to like hospitals, I think I am staying....
Labels: rotation diaries
