Saturday, July 02, 2011
The Doctor responded with a note," ok to refill this one time but have him make an appointment for the next time." It was his anti-nausea medicine, for chemotherapy. I was going to leave a note in his account for him and talk to him when he picks up his med, knowing that he has been really confused lately. But a warning came up:" The patient is deceased, please ...." and I did not read the rest.
" Mr.J is gone," I told Elizabeth. "
" I just called him yesterday, his brother answered." She shouted
-No wonder, but I suppose he is in a better place...
And there it was, my first tears at my job. I am not sure why I was crying, he was not a very special patient. A nice and friendly and more often than not confused elderly gentleman, not too old though in his mid-seventies maybe. But there was something like-able about him, I am not sure what it was.
Later that day out of the blue Elizabeth said:" That's one thing that I do not like about this job, losing people."
The next day a guy showed up with a bag full of medication and told us he is Mr.J's brother from Missouri, just like his brother he was very like-able too. He wanted to see how can he safely discard his late brother's medications. I have seen this before,a very normal part of grieving process, for the ones left behind. I gave him some phone numbers to call.
That night in the parking lot I realized that Mr.J will never ever walk through this parking lot again. He is gone for good, leaving us mortals behind.
Its very human to miss people, to cry for the ones who are gone. And death, I do not know, I always assumed that I am very braved when it comes to facing death. what was there to be scared of? The moment of becoming nothing, seeing nothing and feeling nothing? But that assumption was about my own death. I have a feeling that I will not find much of that bravery in me, when I am faced with the death of people who I have attachments to.
" In the memory of Karl J. Rest in peace."
