Beyond this moment no moment is guaranteed
Saturday, February 01, 2014To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
US essayist & poet (1803 - 1882)
It was not so long ago when we were all sitting in the nursing station and Dr.K was trying to console one of the Nurses on her father's recent death. He said he feels her since he too has lost his father, and now is blessed enough to have his mother live with him and his family. Dr.G chimed in and said how it took him a long time to mourn and move on from both his parents death , it takes time he said...
And now fast forward couple of months and we are sitting in the memorial service for Dr. K!!!! when Dr.G walks up to the podium and reads a poem from Ralph Waldo Emerson in the memory of Dr.K......
He was only 52, in perfect health, all the numbers on his last check up were perfect. He was a happily married man with two young kids, chief of staff, a very well respected physician. They went back home for his father in law's funeral and on the way back he had a massive MI in the flight back home and now we are all here remembering him.
His wife said that sometimes she cries herself to numbness, god has taken her angle away and she doesn't understand how and why did that happen?
His brother was honest, he had nothing prepared to talk about. But how do you prepare a speech for your older and beloved brother's memorial service?
They showed us the pictures of him on his last days, with his kids. They all looked so happy together, the way a family does on a vacation. And I wonder if the kids can bear to be that happy in their lives anymore? Since the last time that they enjoyed the life to the fullest they lost their father the very next day, unexpectedly....
How do you die when you have not prepared for it just yet? When you haven't send your son away to college, when you haven't had that talk about the boys with your daughter yet? When you haven't seen them grow up, guide them through life and been there for them... How do you leave all these behind?
I was going to ask him a question about his past, about the time that he said he used to practice in Ahwaz, I had a nagging suspicion that him and my father had mutual friends. But we never got around to talk about them.
One of the patients went to Dr.G and said that he feels angry about death of Dr. K and Dr.G told him that it was grief that he was feeling and it is absolutely ok to feel sad over such a tragic loss....
Today I walked around the house, unpacking and crying out loud....
Dad had to put even more stent and balloons in his coronary arteries last week and this Thursday he was suspicions that he might have had an MI...
This morning I talked to mom, she assured me that she will come to help me unpack and she sounded so down and tired. I told her that it is not a big a deal and I could come stay with them, if they needed me, the unpacking can always wait.
Funny it is always him, Dad, who brings me and mom together.. In any other situation I would have gotten mad at my mom for forgetting her promise yet one more time and bailing on me and she would have gotten defensive, and dad would have jumped in and tried to calm us both down. But this time, none of us cared for yet another round of heated verbal exchange.It is not about me nor her anymore, it is about the cruelty of life and the moment that we all realize that we have no control over life and the rug can be pulled from under our feet at any moment....
You can keep repeat to yourself that it will be alright and it will all work itself out, but deep down you know it is what is, and there is not much that you can do to change the flow of life.
You just know that you can't stop loving the ones that you love and sometimes you can't even question life, that life is not even cruel it is indifferent and it goes on and you have to roll with it because beyond this moment no moment is guaranteed....
