Sunday, April 20, 2014
My older sister called me to check on me and see how I was doing
I told her that it was my 7th day of working 11 days in a row... Technically today I was on call, so could go to my favoraite breakfast place and have some food...
I told her that I just saved someone from seizures, and she said I guess these are the moments that makes your job worth all the effort...
I never told her the truth, I no longer draw any satisfaction from this job.... I am still good at it, but at this point the rush and the joy is gone. Its a skill, I am greatfull for it. I still feel lucky to be doing something I cherish and admire. But that love, that joy , that connection it is lost somewhere...
Sometimes I look at my intern with an envy, if only I could feel their joy and their fear and their hesitations.. If only I could still feel.
These days all I want to do is come to my house, sit in the backyard and enjoy my garden...
What if one day you wake up and realize that the very one thing that worked so hard to achieve all your life, the main source of pride and joy in your life is not making any sense to you. How do you go back? How????
