She went home from the Yalda dinner at her aunt's ...she took out the Crackle-flame out of the car and into the house, her mother called and she asked her how to work the fireplace,..
She brought two big bags of mail, bank accounts, important documents that were no longer needed but couldnt be just thrown away... she started burning them.. This was her first Yalda all by herself... Her family was all over the world, her friends moved the party to the friday night.. and her extended family would have never stayed up that late anyways...
She thought of everything that she could burn, everything... she remembered those letters in the garage.. the ones in the stapled enveloped.. she has been thinking about them for a while now... she wasnt sure what to do with them? She could've thrown them away, she could've shred them,or burn them.. but all these while for whatever reason she had hold on to them, even though she knew they didnt mean a thing anymore.. Even after they stop making sense to her.. Now they were only a thread connecting her to something long gone...
that morning she woke up and knew it was over for good.. she woke up with indifference, no pain in her heart, and no hope...
She thought of the letters, how could she still keep them? They were worthless.. bunch of lies... He was gone, long gone, and with his leave the truth has come out.. the lies, the cheating, the dishonesty, the false promises, the heart breaks, the women...
That very afternoon she was reading a book in the dentist office and thought of him, and how he might liked the book... and then shook his head.. he never enjoyed anything, he was one unhappy soul who hated himself more than anything else in the world...
Yet She still couldnt bring herself to throw the letters away...
Her mother told her once that back in college once she came back to the class just to find a letter in her belongings; she asked her friend who left it there and her friend told her it was some guy, " an engineering student." Her mom gave the letter to her friend and told her give it back to the guy and tell him "that he is lucky she didnt shove it down his throat in front of everybody..."
Her mother married a nice, quite, conservative, geeky, medical student who came from a good family and also got a great job three weeks after she graduated from college..
Her mother retired as a happily married mother of four in an expensive suburb of Northern California, from academia some 30 years later...
Her mother never made a mistake in her life...
she never had a job interview, so she never got a rejection
Her only relationship ended in marriage, so she never had her heart broken
By the age of 30 she had two kids and a house, and no student loans to pay off... she never ever thought of biological clock...
Her mother never travelled alone, even once.. She never had to go to an empty hotel room all by herself...
Her mother was somewhat of a perfect woman.... on the contrary the daughter could've written a book titled :" Perfection never knocks at my door.."
In the longest night of the year, she decided after thinking long and really hard not to throw those letters away... she was going to keep them, and maybe one day show them to her daughter...
she would tell her about the liars of the world, the people who are confused, emotionally damaged and have no idea what they want from life..
She would tell her daughter that it deosnt matter if she fails, because her mother has failed too many times herself too,and is still alive...
She just decided to keep the letter for the sake of her daughter...
Labels: ordinary stories
