Cultural preoccupation with regularity
Inherently I am an extremely competitive person.... I am so competitive that I stopped playing Basketball in Junior High despite being chosen to play for best teams in our city ,because I was sick and tired of myself dedicating all my life to the game and personalizing the opponents' every move and trying to come up with a revenge even outside the court...
Once when I was nine years old I lost in a monopoly game and I went to the restroom and start crying .. everybody was shocked, even the kids my age...
I compete in everything be it work, school, sports, number of books that I have read....
I competed with my older sister almost all my life until I proved to everybody that I am a better student than her.
I competed with my cousins on the father side until finally last year in my grandma's funeral I received more congratulations than my cousin for getting into grad school..
But the more I look at myself the more I notice a pattern...
I have never ever competed in anything with my best friend, we went to the school with each other and none of us knew how the other one did in the class, we both assumed the other one is a good student. All i cared was to see was her happy and the same is true about her.. to me my best friend was and is a true genius and I am just lucky to be her friend...
I never ever competed with my cousins in my mother side, there was no point.. Everybody knew we ( me and my siblings) are smarter, because my mom was an overachiever..
After I gave up the basketball I took up Badminton and I never ever cared if I won or lost, I only played it cause i could have time to myself..
Apparently I compete with the people and for the things that I don't particularly care for.. I just want to make sure that I have proved myself
So the question is :" Does the competitive personality stem from insecurity??"
Labels: blackhole
This entry was posted
on Thursday, March 29, 2007 at 1:48 PM.
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at least for me, not necessarily...somehow deep down I know I am insecure, but competitive by no means...
I always think insecurity is a consequence of the circumstances and not an inherent attribute, I mean I tell myself, it's ok to be insecure, I can blame others for it!
or maybe it comes out in some situations when U are spurred to be competitive. . .
Me, I don't play any computer games that nheed speed and coordination anymore cause they make me competitive (and stressed!), yet i know I am still very competitive towards a a few people that have compared themselves so many time to me that I have picked up their habit too ;)
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