a book of ordinary people

You tasted it. Isn't that enough? Of what do you ever get more than a taste? That's all we're given in life, that's all we're given of life. A taste. There is no more.

Philip Roth, writer, The Dying Animal


  I remember my first day in Peru, I landed in Lima and was walking around in Mira Flores. I was standing in the middle of the intersection waiting for the light to become green and watching the crazy traffic with amusement of a tourist from a developed world. All of a sudden a modest car passed me by, middle aged parents sitting in front , the father driving , and two teenagers in the back.  The father was driving fast , as you should be in a busy street of a third world country, and at the same time it seemed like he was arguing with either his wife or the teenage kids in the back.  I still can not explain what I saw in that car, but I found tears rolling down my eyes. I saw my life flashing before my eyes, the life that I was living twenty years ago.  I saw my father driving his modest car in the crazy streets of a developing nation, and at the same time keeping an eye on his children.
   And here I was the all American tourist who was not recognized in the world that she came from.
      After that trip, I have walked the streets of so many other countries, mainly third world nations as a two minute tourist. With my flashy camera and very touristy clothes. Sometimes I am hopeful that people recognize me and treat me as of one of their own, while I am bargaining over the price of a souvenir or ordering a meal with my perfect English in the places that they could only dream of affording.  As stupid as it sounds sometimes I walk by myself in their markets and look for a familiar face, for someone who remembers me.
  But then I suppose one day I have to realize that I was not meant to be one of them, I was destined for greatness, whatever greatness is, I was raised to leave it all behind one day and move on to better things in life....
Its ok to miss what you had or become nostalgic for the life that you never got the chance to live, but then you have to go back to reality and give it all ....
  I suppose at the end of the day that's all we're given of life. A taste. There is no more.

سال اول دبیرستا ن بودم مدرسه مهرآیین شیراز می رفتم.زندگی واقعی من از روزی شروع شد که به مدرسه مهرآیین رفتم. شاید شروع کردم خودم راپیدا کردن. مدرسه مهرآیین توی یک محله قدیمی بود.محله کلیمیهای شیراز. پر از خانه های قدیمی ودرختهای قدیمی.حس غریبی بود انگار کسی من را از یک خواب هزار ساله بیدارکرده بودند.
یک روز آمدم خانه کتاب  سو وشون توی آشپزخانه روی میز بود.خواهرم از دوستش گرفته بود.
قهرمان داستان زری بود.دم درمدرسه مهرآیین بودکه یوسف آمده بود سوار اسب برایش چادر آورده بود و بعد ازش خواسته بود که زودتر بزرگ شود. تا سالها بعد که بزرگتر شدم وکتاب را دوباره خواندم وسطر آخرش تا ابد در ذهنم ماند :زری دیگر نمی ترسید.
سو وشون برایم یک عاشقانه آرام بودبرای شهر شیراز. مدرسه مهرآیین    خوانین قشقایی. سر دزک. خانم فتوحی
زندگی سیمین دانشور هم شباهت زیادی به من داشت : دختر یک پزشک ویک معلم  از خانواده ای اهل  هنر و ادبیات که مدرسه مهرآیین میرفت.
هر دو می خواستیم نویسنده شویم. عاقبتما ن فرق کرد اما دنیا هست دیگر.
روحش شاد سیمین خانم که برای ما شیرازیها یک عاشقانه آرام به یادگار گذاشت و برای یک دنیا یک شاهکار...

 















      

   Choeung Ek , the site of a former orchard and Chinese graveyard about 17 km south of Phnom Penh, Cambodia, is the best-known of the sites known as The Killing Fields, where the Khmer Rouge regime executed about 17,000 people between 1975 and 1979. Mass graves containing 8,895 bodies were discovered at Choeung Ek after the fall of the Khmer Rouge regime. Many of the dead were former political prisoners who were kept by the Khmer Rouge in their Tuol Sleng detention center.



 بعد از اینکه سوره خوانده شد جوخه اعدام که اسلحه درجلویش بود وهرکدام روبروی یکی از اعدامی ها ایستاده بودند سه تا الله و اکبر گفتند. پس از الله اکبرسوم هر اسلحه ای باید شلیک شود. اسلحه ای که جلوی ناخدا افضلی بود شلیک نشد. من آنجا بودم مجتبی حلوایی کلتش را در آورد و ۶ تا ۷ تا گلوله بطرف افضلی شلیک کرد.
ساعت ۴ صبح بود و اینها ۱۰ نفر بودند. بعد سکوت شد یک وانت نیسان آوردند و آنها را ریختند توی این نیسان وبردند کنار قبرستان ارامنه درخاوران که متروکه است..

- Do you realize that I am the only one from our graduating class that you have talked to since we left school? And that's because we work together, and not because we were always very good friends.

   Said an old college buddy to me today......
       He still rents a room in someone's house, spend all his spare time with college friends playing same video games and eating in the same sushi places , and dates an old classmate. As for me, I moved on from that life on the day of my graduation.
   I did not have the heart to tell him : somehow none of you guys ever fit into my life. Not that there was any clashes nor hard feelings, it was just that I did not find anybody that I could relate to....
    Honestly I can not remember most of the people's names and faces....

I think the irony of my life is that despite having a doctorate, aside from the knowledge gained, college was a very non-memorable experience in my life. I suppose it felt more like a tunnel than anything else.
   My most memorable times where either in labs, libraries, or during my internships, when I was actually learning something. The social aspect of college life never resonated with me.
   I will say the best times of my life is right now, when I have finally come to my own and can apply myself to my life and my career.
 College was just of a stepping stone to get here....

I did not leave the house on Saturday, I think the jet lag was finally working a number on me. On Sunday I realized that I needed to leave the house even if for a short while. Somehow I found myself in front of my dentist's office while walking in the neighborhood. I noticed this nice apartment complex across from the office, and decided to check it out. I wondered why I missed this complex while I was apartment hunting six months ago?
   While checking the complex out I noticed "open house," signs on couple of the condos.  For the first time in my life I found myself daydreaming about owning a place of my own, there was something about that place that gave me a sense of belonging, a home.
   I walked back to my place and started checking my options for a mortgage.  I am not sure exactly when, but I know for a fact that I am going to stay in this small town for good and buy a house in the near future.
  I have arrived....