I ran into Sergio and he told me that I look like I am not enjoying my job at all, and I just shook my head :"No its just a case of mondays.." and walked away. And then I broke into tears walking towards the units, I did not want to go on anymore. All I wanted to do was to walk to my boss' office give my notice and then drive back home to my old job, where I knew everyone and everything and I can live an ordinary life making a whole lot more money.
But as I always do I walked to the unit to finish my job. I sat for hours, went through charts, labs, x-rays, talked to Dr.V about our new case. And somehow I pulled through and walked back to my desk feeling ok.
This job is getting under my skin, it is sucking all of my emotional energy out of me. Nobody knows though, my poker face is all that I have left .
But then I am happy, its a different kind of happiness, I have never felt it before. Equilibrium is all I can say about this feeling.
Everyday I feel like an intern who is being pushed to learn new things, even the occasional melt downs reminds me of pharmacy schools. When you are new to something you just do not know how to handle your emotions, the first time I went to ICU I sat outside and cried along the woman who was losing her husband of 25 years..
At the end of the day I saw an ambulance going to admissions, a new patient was there. And I wondered if she/he is diabetic, has uncontrolled hypertension, psychotic, or suffers from chronic constipation?
I have arrived, this is my life from now on....
But as I always do I walked to the unit to finish my job. I sat for hours, went through charts, labs, x-rays, talked to Dr.V about our new case. And somehow I pulled through and walked back to my desk feeling ok.
This job is getting under my skin, it is sucking all of my emotional energy out of me. Nobody knows though, my poker face is all that I have left .
But then I am happy, its a different kind of happiness, I have never felt it before. Equilibrium is all I can say about this feeling.
Everyday I feel like an intern who is being pushed to learn new things, even the occasional melt downs reminds me of pharmacy schools. When you are new to something you just do not know how to handle your emotions, the first time I went to ICU I sat outside and cried along the woman who was losing her husband of 25 years..
At the end of the day I saw an ambulance going to admissions, a new patient was there. And I wondered if she/he is diabetic, has uncontrolled hypertension, psychotic, or suffers from chronic constipation?
I have arrived, this is my life from now on....
Labels: Hospital diary
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on Tuesday, September 13, 2011 at 7:37 PM.
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